I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
