I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
