So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize