My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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