i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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