no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
