Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
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