ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
