Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
