Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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