I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cut my penus on the lid.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Randomize
