It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
