Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
