I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
