She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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