that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize