Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize