So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
