easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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