is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
