I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were trust falling into bushes
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
