My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
