Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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