he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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