Are we in a gay sports bar?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
