Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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