Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
As shirtless as possible
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
