Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
