I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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