There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
