How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
