Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
