I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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