You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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