Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
