The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
