good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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