Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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