I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
