why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
