Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
