he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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