The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize