i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize