Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
