i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
