Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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