ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize