Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
