Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
