I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
