We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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