Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
