the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
