My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
