The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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