Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
