Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
