so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize