how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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