if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
