So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
