The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
