Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
