Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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