How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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