eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
