I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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