Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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