i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
