Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
