12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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