You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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