Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
