I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
