one two three fourrrrnication!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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