These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize