i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
