Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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