Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
