AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
