I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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