I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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