FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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