my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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