I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
