I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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