wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
