So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
