I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
