Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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