you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
