Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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