Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He has the fingertips of a God
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