tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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