PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
